The saying “opposites attract” is definitely true in many cases. Perhaps it’s the diversity of difference that creates the initial attraction - the other person has things (traits, etc.) that you don’t, and vice versa. Some people find the differences exciting. In the short term relationship, you may be able to work around these issues, but what about in the long run? When you want to go to a party with him, and he doesn’t want to go, how will you feel going alone? When a romantic movie comes out that you want to see opening day in the theater, and he wants to see a horror one instead! What will you do? Go alone? Split up to see different films? There can definitely be long term consequences when a person has strong negative opinions about something you like to do or are obliged to do.

Let’s analyze the example of this 26 year old man who is the only child of his parents. He recently got married to his fiancée of seven years. His problem is that his wife (not big not socializing) doesn’t like his parents much (mainly because his father is of a “grouchy” nature and they speak little English) and feels uncomfortable around them. This is creating awkwardness in their relationship as he expects his wife to be supportive of him and accompany him to visit his parents at least once a month. Ask yourself if he is asking too much from his wife by expecting her to accept his parents? Dr. Gail say’s “Spouses should do things for each other that they don’t want to do, just because they love each other”. I personally agree with her because only if a person is ready to accommodate the likings of his/her spouse, can there be mutual respect and love amongst them, which is the key to a successful and happy marriage. In this case, the wife should realize how bad she would feel if her husband behaved in the same way with her parents. She should also realize that a marriage doesn’t mean merely living together; it means building a family together. And a family is always incomplete without parents. It’s important that the wife understands what love means: It means always being there for your partner and supporting him/her through thick and thin. Love means not complicating life but complimenting it for each other. The husband could try and communicate these feelings in a subtle and mature way without giving ultimatums to his wife. He can try to make her realize that in future her own son’s wife can behave the same way with her. How would she feel then? He can try to bridge the gap between his wife and his parents by converting a full day trip to a lunch or dinner meeting so that she can slowly gel into the family. He can plan the visit around an activity like watching a video or going for a walk, which would give her something else to focus on.

The way you communicate with each other, is the key as to how your relationship will work. Stubbornness in a relationship can bring about disastrous results. Being open, and open-minded, with a strong ability from both people to compromise, and adjust, can create an environment of security and contentment. Not having these abilities could create potential conflict leading to a bitter breakups, and harsh feelings.

Getting rid of self-egoism and giving in to a sense of mutual understanding and cooperation based on some adjustments is what love is all about in a relationship.

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